Dating different race
– where affinity groups can be together without the presence of the oppressor – exist: so that tough conversations can be had with fewer guards up, so that you can communicate thousands of ideas in a single collective sigh, so that you can cry together with those who don’t just sympathize, but empathize.
If they’re cool with you taking the lead, what, exactly, do they need you to say? I was pretty sure I understood his tone as joking, and I was also pretty sure he knew that this was another ridiculous Degrassi question, but I still knew that I had to own up to that mistake – and apologize. Sometimes I don’t want to chat with someone who only has a theoretical understanding of gender oppression.Sometimes I want to talk to someone who just gets it.That is, unless you count my first boyfriend – José – who, in the second grade, long-distance collect-called me from Puerto Rico and got me in a lot of trouble with my dad. But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.So, whether you’re years deep in a charmingly fairy tale-esque romance with your beau or you’re just now firing up to dive into your first, here are seven things to remember as a white person involved with a person of color.I packed up all the stereotypes I had about white men — love for bland, mayo-heavy meals, excessive use of the word “bro” and a tiny penis — for this fantastic voyage into unknown dating territory, and I ended up with yolk on my face after realizing none of what I thought was true.(Naturally, he loved soul food once introduced.)I specifically remember the night Obama won the 2008 Presidential election and my beau’s moderate excitement.
For him, the magnitude of the event just didn’t resonate as much as it did for the droves of us black college kids who found ourselves blasting Jeezy’s “My President is Black” in the middle of campus for much of the night.
Maybe it isn’t even appropriate for your partner to talk to their family at all about their dating life.
Or maybe your partner has to go through almost a “coming out” process around dating someone white or outside of their culture.
While some of those are racially specific, there are a whole heap that aren’t.
And the stereotypes that do hold true only end up as inside jokes.
(Like the fact he couldn’t play basketball to save his life.)The two non-black men who’ve peppered my dating history have taught me a lot about racial understanding, human characteristics and even the ignorance that still needs to be eradicated on both sides of the color lines.